When a negativity seed is planted, it will breed and consume.

Negativity is such a scary thing. The seed that is planted will consume you and make your life so miserable. So much negativity and energy. I have to sort and filter and if need to, to stay away from the people that fertilise the seed unknowingly therefore continuing the vicious cycle.

It's hard really not to be biased but I need to remain objective and not be influenced. I need to find ways to be happy and not get bogged down by these unnecessary issues. It's not worth it. Really really not worth it. 

During these periods, I get peeved every single day when I have to search for a work station. I though about the first time I have my own work station and my name card. I was ecstatic! No kidding! Mainly because I was an EDB trainee and I was expecting the lousiest treatment ever. Instead I was given a desktop and a work station albeit it was just an empty space next to the printer prior to the office renovation and I get new stationaries (staples, pens,  hole puncher, notebooks) and most importantly, a sense of belonging and welcome and being valued as a staff and person. I know to some, it may not be an issue, but having a work station is like forming some connection, a place where roots can grow and a place that you can have some privacy and place for creativity. On a practical note, a place to put your files, your documents for filing and not having to move pencil cases, pouches and files every single day.

Though my last couple of months at LN wasn't filled with fond memories, I have learnt and grow. With each passing day, I will keep on enforcing to myself not to take things for granted. I know time has passed and there's no way I can go back but I just feel sad. I'm tired of being taken for granted and I'm tired of searching for a seat everyday. I can't change anything or how they treat me (actually generally quite nice, except for taking me for granted and sometimes treating me like a servant.. hmm.. in written words that sounds horrible and not nice at all.. but it's actually not as bad) but I can control how I react. I guessed it's an accumulated dissatisfaction  over 7.5 months combined with the demoralization over the job offer. Oh well.

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On a separate note, our cousin and niece and grandnephew will be visiting from Japan next week and I'm looking forward to it! It would be nice to hang out and bring them around to eat and shop. Earlier they reported that the temperature in Japan is 38 to 40 degrees celsius and many people, mostly the elderly have died of heat stroke. I think if the weather continues at 25 to 32 degrees Celsius here, they would enjoy the weather here and find it cooling. I'm actually enjoying the cooler weather these few days but not the rain and mishap I had on Monday . I get to wear nicer clothing and not perspire so much.

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Going to sleep now. Ranting and being miserable can be so tiring.

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Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. ~Author Unknown