I know it sounds strange to be thankful to be alive at 32, because 32 is not all that old. But last year was a trying year for me. Not to be melodramatic, I treasured my life because I thought it would be over before I'm ready to let go. It was at that moment when I realised that my life is really that fragile.
I have decided to live my life. Not the way most people do and at times, I feel guilty for doing this but it's my life, my choice.
It's strange that I bought the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert almost 2 years ago but never reading it, and kept pushing it to the back of my reading list. Yesterday, I saw this paragraph and I could relate to it:
"The Bhagavad Gita- that ancient Indian Yogic text- says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. So now I have started living my own life. Imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly."
The Bhagavas Gita is a Hindu scripture and I only found out more about it today. You can read it here.
Nevertheless, the imperfect way (to some) I'm living my life now is me thoroughly. I'm committed to people and things I care about and I'm learning about myself and how to be a better person and not influence by "cosmic and climatic" influence (if you catch my drift). I'm learning to love myself everyday and learning more about myself. I'm learning to say "no" without guilt (hard, I tell you) and doing what I want (within reasonable boundaries of course).
Like getting a Ultimate Ice mocha blended because it makes me feel good, climbing up that taaaaall tree, walking barefooted, licking an ice cream, walking in the rain, smelling pages of new books, running my fingers on smooth fabrics, meowing at cats in public (*note: not cute when am adult does that, in comparison to a child) and more.
Most importantly, I thank God for all His blessings right now. For the love I received, for my hubby, my family, my friends. For beautiful skies, romantic rain, blooming flowers and new born kittens.
I am truly blessed.... and I'm still not quite ready to let go.