Hello 2016!

It has been too long and I have been swamped with school work and pure exhaustion and laziness to blog. Life have been great and fulfilling and days passes so quickly I am stunned. 3 years have passed just like that and I'm at my last practicum module trying very hard to get words on paper.

I have faced disappointments and witness transformation of self. I have built perseverance and resilience and confidence. I have battled self doubt and struggled with peers smarter than me. But I have learn acceptance  and love for self. I have gone closer to God who walked with me through it all. I am never good enough in my own opinion but I have learn to cut myself some slack. I know I have tried my best and I need to put things in perspectives.

Hello 20k15!

I am glad 2014 is over! I felt that I'm holding my bated breath in anticipation for any more illnesses to strike me. What's with the torn ligaments, allergy reaction, hospital and medical visits and the 1 month plus cough that came and left and stayed for one month when I was on CA. Thankfully, God's grace and my resilient enabled my survival in the past year.

Now that 2015 is here, I'm looking forward to better health, fun at schools (both work and studies) and I really really want to do well and get an A for at least one module (pleeease..)

Also looking forward to more cooking, baking and time with my hubby, mummy and friends that matters. It will be an awesome year!

Faith - To hold on to Faith.

 “All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida 

This year has not been kind to me, health wise. After passing my 100th day of recovery for my torn ligament, I had a very, very bad allergic reaction to virus, further triggered by shellfish (prawn) that resulted in a 2 times admission to A&E in a day. Happened on my birthday somemore!

I do not wish to dwell on it, learning to let go and living positively. I am not exarggerating when I say I'm deeply tramautised. It was bad.

Faith is what I have taken away from this. To believe and have faith that God is with me at all times.
That my family, my hubby, my friends are my grounding factors. That I need to listen to my body and not get too stressed out.

Today's prayer

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ" 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God works in mysterious ways. Some disaster might be a lessing in disguise. Some hurt and disappointments could be a sign of better things to come.

March is nearing again and much as any common sense insist, the innate fear and helplessness still creeps up in me ... unsuspectingly. Mundane and unnecessary issues get blown up and I tend to over react. I have to keep strong.

And it's strange... does God have the power to manipulate electronic devices? Could He have done or willed someone to manipulate a system to eradicate a potential issue that will cause harm to me? I wonder.

Learn to let go.

Learn to cultivate peace of mind when dark forces are out to play.

Learn the signs and mistakes of the past.

"Until now, you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete" John 16:24

Hello 2014!

So Long 2013!

2013 has been a GREAT year for me! Both personally and professionally. I have won an award at work for an eBook project that I was "tricked" into joining. This project involves lots of sweat, tears and panic for 2 years. A reluctant recipient I am of this award, but nevertheless appreciative and grateful of the opportunity. First award ever won in my life!

I had the opportunity to anchor an outreach event. Lots of staying back for that one in June. Grateful for good student leaders and helpers to count on and gorgeous artwork and creativity that I am and still proud of.

This year is the first time I displayed 2 posters presentations. The feeling of seeing your team's and students' work in print, on a A0 poster is a pride that no words can describe. I felt really accomplished and proud.

On the personal front, I finally took the leap to apply for my Master's and after an online test, 1 interview and plenty of self doubt, I am finally enrolled as a student in a University I have always wanted to be in since I'm a child. This achievement is a fulfillment that I can't describe in words, knowing that I have had many obstacles since being a teenager and the path has always been dark and littered with negativity. I have completed one semester with tenacity and tears. Studying is hard, part time is harder! And getting into the groove is tough, my Uni days was 13 years ago!

I'm happy that I have passed and I'm determined to do better.

We also fulfilled mummy's wish of visiting Australia and we brought her to Melbourne during her 60th birthday. She had a lot of fun and though the Great Ocean Road was a blur to me since I was having fever, I am very happy that mummy stayed healthy and enjoyed her visit there!

This is also the year that hubby and I finally build our nest  after 6 years of marriage. 6 and a half years to be precise when we finally moved in and settle in. The last 2 weeks of 2013 has been lots of decluttering, of letting go of the past and moving on into the future. We finally have our home and I am ever so grateful and blessed.

I thank hubby for giving me a beautiful house and we will make this a beautiful home together.

2013 is a year of unbelievable happenings. It's the year that I have been stretched non stop. I worked endlessly and I thought I was going to snap but thankfully never did. It's a year I was tested and betrayed by people I thought meant well. Fooled by people I trusted.

2013 is also a year where I forged new friendships and bonds, where I learned to look inwards, where I believed in God simply because there's nothing else. This is the year where I learned not to take anything or anyone for granted. To look at the people who truly loves me and want the best for me. To remove the toxic.

2013 has passed and with every new year, I feel a sense of lost and emptiness. Of the unknown.

This year, I want to go slow. To live life, my life. To read, to reflect, to communicate with those who mean something to me. To God.

This year, I want to focus on my studies. I want to be able to say No to additional work loads. I want to go to Japan. I want to bake (since I have an oven that hasn't been turned on), I want to be HEALTHY, to eat healthy, live healthy, think healthy.

This year I want positivity. I want to continue living and not be hampered by the "cannot do" attitude.
I want to be aware of my thoughts.

Lastly I want to be with hubby every step of our life. I Love you.

Happy Birthday to me!

+ 1 more candle =P

This year I didn't feel the excitement and apprehension of turning older as I have already thought of myself this old at the beginning of the year. I think the stress has aged me. Both mentally and physically. Haha.

This year is pretty good so far, hectic but rewarding as I take stock of my achievements.Emotionally I have matured and I have allowed myself to try new things and accept my faults and failures.

We have also taken a step into "adulthood" and I'm excited about the new commitment. Building a new home takes patience and I'm looking forward to it!

Be strong

This year there will be a huge change for me. Something that I wanted since I was a kid and never got about to having it due to many reasons. I can cry about it, dream about it and pray about it but I never expect to have it till now. This is only the very beginning, my very first step in its entrance and there will be a long and (hopefully) less stressful years ahead. (haha) There is a long way ahead and I will have to be very focused and work very hard in order to be able to graduate.

My hubby is the greatest person to thank for he pushes me to dare to dream, dare to try and dare to cry if i fail to get in. Indeed, the application, test and interview were nerve wreacking and the waiting.. ooh the waiting to get the news makes my self doubts increases to a new high.

So I got in and I panicked again. Hard not to be stress when my work load is piling, self expectations increases and anxiety to get through this becomes overwhelming.

Sunday.

I picked up the Daily Bread and I flipped to the date 17 June 2013 and this appears. It's like God's message to me.

Because I have the opportunity, my insecurities creeps up on me. Opponents in many forms. Self, work mates and work loads. People may know about it and may choose to support me or may try ways and means to topple me. I may become my greatest enemy if I don't learn to control my thoughts and emotions.

Stay alert. Know myself. Listen to my body. Know when I'm self destructive. Be alert when others mean harm. Stay alert for God's wisdom and help.

Stand firm in the faith. Believe that I won't be left behind by God.

Show courage. So what if I may not be as smart. so what if I fail (Please no. too expensive to fail). I need to stand when I fall and learn to be a better person. Trials makes a person stronger. Makes a person believe.

Be strong. Stand up and move on.

Everything you do should be done in love. Amen.

Look at the stars and the beauty of the old

To infinity and beyond. We placed too much emphasis on things that are not important. Need to rethink and prioritize.

Beautiful colonial building

Taking a cab to work

Tree Leaves

Puss hoping to be fed again after 1 hour after I fed him

I think he's a beauty

Sometimes my life is in Black and White

All I want to do is hide and prays no one finds me

Or indulge in solitary games and fly away in my imaginations

Thinking positive

I will have to keep on trying. Towards a goal, unknown journey, unknown destination. 

Fear keep me stagnant, keeps me down, keeps me from daring to try, to live a life which I may be good at.

Who knows what will happen? My life belongs to Him. 

He gave me this and everything I have.

Thank you God.

Static and changes

The GE could be a potentially devasting events. People lives could change for better or for worse. Families and friendships could end up on different spectrums as the debates goes on.

I could not remember the last time when I had an indepth discussion about politics or opinions or anything so "heavy" with anyone other then hubby. Mostly I steered away from these discussions. When opinions are not expressed correctly , it leads to misinterpretations.

I try to "talk less".

This time I observed the social and cultural phenomenum that has overtaken Singapore by storm. Something has changed, people are not afraid of speaking out and declaring their support for the opposition.

I was initially excited as it was going to be my "virgin" vote but further checks online shows that our estate belongs to Tanjong Pagar GCR. My inital excitement fizzles but we attended another rally last night near our estate.

Honestly I would be stressed if I had to vote. Much as I would like to have a change, I'm also fearful of too much changes and risking our country's stability. My one vote in 2.2 million odds is very small but that one vote could ignite a change. Everyone makes a difference.

Anyhow, that "stress" has been lifted.
On a fun note. I'm sharing this sticker we picked up yesterday.


It's based on the impression that GST has been increasing after every elections. It's very tongue in cheek and being a rally virgin, I get amused , amazed and entertained easily.

++++
I'm very happy to be sharing my life with you. You constantly open my eyes to so many issues and perspectives.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Much Love Monday: Hope and looking forward

Source: http://www.ohiseered.com/2011/03/reminder-you-are-wonderfully-made.html

I have been in the dumps lately. Daily news of world wide tragedy and self perceived personal failure. It doesn't matter, I have to remember that I'm wonderfully made by God, thanks to Red. :)

This week I'm loving: Love, Hope and optimism.

(8)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lessons from a cat that has the same name as hubby :)

1. Wake up each morning with a song I'm your heart. Sing out when you first see someone you know.

2. Eliminate the rats in your life. You will feel less stressed.

3. Take time out of your day to take time out of your day.

4. Sleep well and rest often. A good nature depends on good sleep.

"Lessons from Stanley the Cat" - Jennifer Freed

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Last Thursday and a sad weekend

This is too much.. The clinic was suppsed to be opened at 1, I went down at 1.30 and I'm still waiting for the dr!!! It's now 2:10pm!

++++

Last week was an upseting week... First was the usual work, where I received an email from my terrible low EQ boss who wanted to add additional studies to my currently long list of studies to be archived. She insinuated that alot of additional fund and help was given by admin and I still did not completed it, implying that I did not do
my work and am too slow. She doesn't understand that I need to check the dam TMF, put in NTF, and there are so many missing documents... I wonder why do I need to work do hard for her when others just don't care? But E and I have this issue... We just need to do the best to our conscience and it's just too bad if she still bad mouth us when we leaves.... It leaves a sour taste in my mouth when I think of the bad mouthing and her being unappreciative... But that's not within my control.

I have met people with bad EQ.. Some really tactless whom I wish would just go away.. But her? One of a kind. I always try to not dislike her so much for she was kind once but her actions speaks otherwise..

++++

Shortly a couple of hours after that email, my MIL called hubby and asked us to go and see his granny for the last time. Sadly, we were late by 45mins and she passed on at 6.45pm, 13 Jan 11.

The last weekend was spent at the wake and we stood aside or helped with serving the friends who came to pay their respect as we did not participate in the Taoist rites. But hubby told me granny had led a good life. She died of lung cancer, diagnosed late last year.

Death is part of life, but it's so sad to see the coffin being led into the furnace.

Sent from my iPhone

Counting my blessings ...

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends,

For everything Thy goodness sends.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

++++

It has been a good year and I'm thankful for all blessings and gifts.
Thankful for my family, my Hubby, my health, my friends and all the goodness and love that is everywhere.
Thankful that my 2 lovely friends are blessed with a child.

Let me count my blessings...

Jan
Full moon on the 1st Jan and the lovely walk hubby and I had walking home from Queenstown in the crisp night.

Feb
Starting my new job and getting to work each day and being able to see my 2 treasured friends.

Mar
Putting my organisation skills to work. Planning and executing a trainig session at M Hotel and meeting lovely people from Philipines.

Apr
Loving yummy food and admiring the heart and effort chefs invested when preparing great food. 

Grateful to be able to taste sweet, sour, spicy and bitter. Grateful for the feelings evoked by food and loving comfort food and also the memories the first bite of comfort food brings.

May
Visiting hunnie and driving down south visiting scenic spots, drinking and eating fabulous food and wine. Staying in lovely cabins and keeping warm in front of the fireplace for the very first time!

Thankful for great friends like hunnie & G who extended their hospitality and opening their home to us :) who did so much to make us comfortable and well fed (hehe) THANK YOu!!!!

And it was a memorable experience for me because I climbed a tall vertical tree for the first time in my life. I overcome my fear and moved onwards and upwards focusing only on hubby, hunnie & G at the finishing point. I felt really accomplised!

Jun
I'm thankful that Ron had a safe and speedy delivery and my second Godson Maximus is born!

I'm also thankful for the gorgeous diamond ring hubby got for me and for celebrating our 3 years wedding anniversary.

July
Celebrating hubby's convocation after all his hard work. My heart is filled with pride as his name is flashed on the screen and he walked on the stage.

Wishing you all the best and to many more 'stage walking' in the future.. Hehe.

Aug
Our friend Eunice sucessfully releasing her album after years of hard work. I thank God for showering her with blessings and for her wonderful voice. I had loads of fun photographing, videoing and attending her many gigs.

Looking forward to more performances and praying for a lucky break into the tight music scene in Asia.

Having our relatives visiting from Japan brings great joy to us. We had lots of fun and laughter and tons of good food. We visited the Zoo, watched a performance at Art House, ate and watched belly dance performance at a Persian restaurant.

I'm also thankful for the opportunity to chat with hubby's cousin, D and getting acquainted with new friends.

Sep
Thanking God for letting me celebrate my 32nd birthday! Each day, each year without falling sick is a blessing. Good health is a blessing!

Grateful for surprise cakes, card and present from friends at work and a big hug to SY who surprised me with a high tea at the Ritz! Thank you!

Oct
Thankful for true love and happy marriages! Attended a lovely wedding of HS at Four Seasons hotel. Pretty brides and joyous laughter. 要幸福哦！

Nov
Grateful for bring able to walk, to breathe, to eat, to feel, to be alive! Life itself is a gift... I need to remind myself when I'm in despair and take things for granted.

Dec
Thankful for the opportunity to visit Turkey, an amazing country.

Visiting Turkey leaves me feeling in awe over thousands of years of history, geography and sadness over years of fights and struggles. Standing on historical grounds and driving on the modernised silk road is simply amazing. As the scenery passes me by, I can picture old caravans and weary travellers in tough conditions. How fortunate we are to be traveling in coach buses with heating facilities! To be protected from harsh weather conditions and being fed with good,
nutritious food. How thankful I am that almost every Sg have a roof over our head and not left homeless or begging for food.

We travelled more than 1000 km over 8 days and it made me sing praises of God's wonder and creation. I pray for religious tolerance and respect for 2011 and for years to come and for all to co exist peacefully.

2010 is filled with so much wonderful memories. How can I top it in 2011?

365 new days stares back at me expectantly and honestly I'm scared of what the new year holds.

I will have to banish negative thoughts and emotions and look forward to the good, the bad and the unexpected. God will be in charge and relax lah.. 2011 will be fantabulous!

Sent from my iPhone

Cross roads

Here I am, standing at a cross road again. The year is ending and I can't help but be anxious about the next 365 days in 2011.

This has been a good year so far. Granted, work has been testing my patience and sometimes I wonder why do I bother to do the things I do. HC ever told me to take pride in the things I do and every small or mundane job can be something worthwhile if you have the heart to do so. It is with these thoughts that I held in mind when I took on this job and I appreciated it because of the flexibility and the company. Sadly, people I like have all slowly left and it is with unfamiliar faces I meet daily. All new colleagues and fellow office mates.

I think it takes too much effort to write exactly what happened. The fact is I have been replaced next year and I was told about this last Friday by my boss. It seems I was too expensive and I was advised to do something "better" with my education and caliber. Yeah.. Laugh but it was all serious-ness when she told me. It left me thinking what am I doing here working as a "maid" for these people??!? I had to go downstairs and buy them lunch on Monday because they were having training!!! Because the admin person was not around, I couldn't get anyone to deliver food to us between 12 to 2, they are ( with the exception of 1) keen on fast food and obviously since the request was made to me at 11:57am, there wasn't many choices. I could think on the positive aspect of doing them a favour but truthfully? I felt degraded and it's with as much sacarsm I could bring while taking their order. Thank goodness someone from the other team was kind to go down with me
and thank God the rain came after we came back. Otherwise I would be madder than I was then. Oh yah, obviously the rest of the team in training would like a break and go downstairs for their lunch but noooo... She would not allow and thus only allocate a short lunch.

I was really pissed. Degraded and felt like their maid.

I never thought if it much this way before... But now, the thought bugs me and I resent being manipulated again. Negative thoughts and emotions... That's what make me sick. And of course the temperamental weather..

Either she's really concern about me and my future or she's just saying to rid me.

Hurts. Because I felt disposed and because I didn't really want to believe in the meaness in her.

Sent from my iPhone

Much Love Monday: memories and keychain

This Monday, I'm loving:

1. Keychains hubby bought from Thailand during his volunteering trip when he was a student.

2. Memories when I picked up the sunshine keychain holder.

3. Drinking creme brûlée macchiato from Starbucks with dear old friend and chatting non stop and laughing at old memories.

4. Making cous cous for dinner for the first time and deciding it doesn't taste so bad after all.

5. Spending time reading.

6. Criminal Minds 5 on Fox.

7. Drinking Earl grey tea.

8. Sunshine on my face.

Much Love Monday

19

Sent from my iPhone

Cold and bundled

yes, it's me.. all huddled up on our humid shores. feeling miserable and sick right now. Inflamed throat, scratchy eyes, feverish, achy joints and cold. Went to see my Dr earlier, he's 74! I looked at him with grand-daughterly love and listen to his jokes (he thinks I'm having F1 fever- and maybe an hr at the tracks at Marina Bay tonight will help perhaps?) :) and listened to his sister who is his clinic nurse about him retiring soon. I feel sad. I know he should take a break and do what he wants to do but I do know that he likes being here for his patients and aiding the old and failing residents at this estates. He has been my Dr since I was a baby, giving my my first jabs and treating my baby illnesses, so I will miss him if he retires.

for someone in the medical line, I hate visiting a Dr and will try to self medicate as much as possible before stepping foot into a clinic and paying horrendous amount for trade medications. I ever paid up to S$80 for some nasal spray and dunno-what-else at a 24hrs clinic in HV. Thank goodness it was a co-payment and the claimed medical amount was quite substantial. I'd like to think that my Dr is a kind man unlike other mercenary Drs that I have came in contact with who views medicine as a profit earning business. He has done so much for me... and he has touched my entire family and a few primary school friends who visits him when they are sick even though it's a distance from where they lived!

it just rained heavily and am now huddling in front of my lap top, I'm thankful that I went to see him earlier. I'm going to have some hot tea and a bun and hope to feel better soon.

Thankful being alive at 32.

I know it sounds strange to be thankful to be alive at 32, because 32 is not all that old. But last year was a trying year for me. Not to be melodramatic, I treasured my life because I thought it would be over before I'm ready to let go. It was at that moment when I realised that my life is really that fragile.

I have decided to live my life. Not the way most people do and at times, I feel guilty for doing this but it's my life, my choice.

It's strange that I bought the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert almost 2 years ago but never reading it, and kept pushing it to the back of my reading list. Yesterday, I saw this paragraph and I could relate to it:

"The Bhagavad Gita- that ancient Indian Yogic text- says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. So now I have started living my own life. Imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly."

The Bhagavas Gita is a Hindu scripture and I only found out more about it today. You can read it here. 

Nevertheless, the imperfect way (to some) I'm living my life now is me thoroughly. I'm committed to people and things I care about and I'm learning about myself and how to be a better person and not influence by "cosmic and climatic" influence (if you catch my drift). I'm learning to love myself everyday and learning more about myself. I'm learning to say "no" without guilt (hard, I tell you) and doing what I want (within reasonable boundaries of course).

Like getting a Ultimate Ice mocha blended because it makes me feel good, climbing up that taaaaall tree, walking barefooted, licking an ice cream, walking in the rain, smelling pages of new books, running my fingers on smooth fabrics, meowing at cats in public (*note: not cute when am adult does that, in comparison to a child) and more.

Most importantly, I thank God for all His blessings right now. For the love I received, for my hubby, my family, my friends. For beautiful skies, romantic rain, blooming flowers and new born kittens.

I am truly blessed.... and I'm still not quite ready to let go.

Thank you.

Coffee with Eunice :)

it's so much fun playing with photography apps on the iPhone. seems so strange that we like to go back to the retro ways having grainy, blurred and strange coloured photos when about 6 years ago, it's all about sharp images true to their actual colours.

it's nice to have options, really. met up with Eunice for coffee last evening. terrified of spreading my flu to her, but our meet ups have been postponed twice and I should be getting better. no sharing of food but lots of hugs nevertheless. :)

discussed loads on music, performance, marketing strategy and how much rejections hurts. (yes, it's applicable to me because I also got rejected and ignored doing some sales and marketing calls- good learning experience by the way) so next step, gig on Fri 30/7 @ 15 Mins Cafe- 8:30pm and Sat 31/7 @ Orchard Borders - 3pm and another one in Sept. looking forward to it!

it's admirable, what she does, to live for yourself, your beliefs, your passions. I wished I have something, a goal to work towards to.. something that I really really want. but I'm still exploring and looking and believing that my life is worth living for. and some day, I will have a passion for something that I will work very hard for. 

I ain't no want to be some pawn in a big organisation that just wants cheap labour.

it's a shame, big company, high on the listing but just want to squeeze each and everyone dry on the meagre carrot. it's like this everywhere.. big organisations. anyway, I just have these thoughts especially so in recent happening and looking at how sad people at work are. I have to remain positive and filter negative thoughts!